The more I think about it, the more I realize that holding on to bad things that have happened can really ruin your life.
It seems easier to stay hurt and angry. It's hard not to when things keep happening to keep the wound from fully closing. But I am learning that sometimes the best remedy is not to put a bandage over the wound. In fact, many times it's better to get it out in the open, let it breathe, even if it's an ugly wound.
Some wounds have been inflicted quite purposefully in the past few years, while others have been accidental. They have hurt. I have grieved. I have been angry. I have felt alone. And it's time for that to stop.
You are not going to hurt me any more. I firmly believe that the kind of wounds you cause can only come from a heart that is bruised and damaged itself. You would rather I be mad at you and lash out at you, because it's what you deserve, and somehow it would validate the way you feel. You justify your thoughts and actions by holding them up against the things I have done, or at least that you think I have done. I am forgiven, and I'm not ashamed. I don't have to hide.
I hope you can find a way to be happy in life. I hope you can understand what God's grace really is. And I hope that you find whatever help you need to get there.
I'm not joking.
4 months ago