It's the early morning hours, I've not had much sleep, and there's a tornado warning out for Tuscaloosa County. So this is going to be morbid, but as I'm playing online and waiting for the tornado warning to pass, I'm considering the fact that my last documented thought could be something as inane as a post on a message board complaining about the weather or a silly Twitter update.
To make myself clear, I'm not sitting here shaking, afraid I'm going to die and forever be immortalized as the idiot who was lurking on the Relevant Message Boards as a deadly tornado bore down on her. More than anything, I guess, my brain is tired and trying to be contemplative.
So if this was going to be the last thing I ever wrote/communicated, of course, there are so many things I would want to say. I would want to tell Bobby that I love him very much and that I believe in him -- that he is a good man. I'd want to tell my parents that I love them and that I'd appreciate all the things they've done for me through the years.
I'd tell my sisters that I love them both very much, and I've cherished the fact that we've grown somewhat closer as I've (we've, I guess) grown older. I'd want my friends -- the ones that have stuck by me through thick and thin, and even those I've lost touch with -- to know how much they've meant to me and how much of an impact they've had on my life. A lot of the best things about me are a result of the love and friendship I've received from you.
And there are some people I would want to know this: I forgive you. There are others (and some of the same people) to whom I would want to say, "I'm sorry." I hope that if any of you read this you will understand and know which one you are.
There are surely things (and people) I've forgotten, but those are a lot of the things I'd want to say if this was my finale. And lastly, I would want to say not to look at this as a goodbye, but as a "see you later."
Thankfully this isn't a finale, and I hope some of these people I've mentioned will read this and that I'll have the good grace to communicate my feelings through other means to the ones who will never read it. Now I'm off to watch the weather. Hopefully I'll get to bed soon!
I'm not joking.
4 months ago