So I'm learning how to really be forgiving. And I don't like it. It's hard. It takes a lot of effort.
Seriously, the scripture that talks about praying for the people who hurt you (not the exact wording, probably, but that's the basic gist of it) may be one of the hardest ones to take to heart. It's a whole heck of a lot easier to be angry about something and to justify that by looking for more things to make you angry. Easier, yes, but also a lot less healthy and more harmful to the person taking those actions. I've been so mad over a period of time, and it's affected the way I am around my friends and Bobby. It's also done nothing at all to make me happy or feel better about myself or life. It's pretty pointless.
So why keep doing it? Well, I can definitely hold a grudge with the best of 'em. It's odd to me that I can forgive some things but not others, and I guess it has to do with whether the person shows remorse, changes, etc. This isn't a new struggle for me, but I think this is the first time I've made efforts to take a Biblical approach to it.
That's certainly not to say I've got it right. But I am working on it. My prayers often include, "Lord, please help me forgive and move on," and more and more they've come to include prayers for the happiness and well being of those I'm trying to forgive.
Am I still mad? Yeah, I'd say so, to an extent. And I think it's OK to be mad, but I think there's a fine line between being unhappy something happened and letting that thing dominate relationships and actions. When I am so mad about something that I wish or display ill will toward another person, it's definitely time for me to take a step back and look at ME.
I'm not joking.
4 months ago